The questions were, “Why do you think that BDSM Relationships don’t last?” and “What is your goal in your relationship?” For me, there is not just one goal as far as my lifestyle relationships since I have several and they are all different. My lifelong partner is a Dominant Switch female and we have been together for over 7 years. I also have a female slave who is a Dominant and we have been together for almost 10 years. My boy and I have a Mommy/boy relationship and he has been with me for over 4 years. I have submissives who serve me part time and have been doing so for several years and I also have subs who are primarily play partners or only serve me when they are in town or the opportunity arises. With each relationship, we sit and negotiate what and how it will be and quite often, we renegotiate when it is necessary and/or the dynamics of the relationship changes. For me, regardless of the relationship, there must be honest and clear communication and it takes work on all parties part to make sure this is happening. As far as my take on why there are so few long term relationships, there are two main reasons, I believe. Society in general are having less long term relationships and people are divorcing and/or splitting at the drop of a hat and this is just as apparent in this lifestyle. There is a group conscious mindset in society right now, that if it doesn’t work, we’ll end this and start again, elsewhere with someone else and many Enter the Relationship with this mindset. I believe in doing so, you don’t feel the same kind of ‘forever’ commitment that many of our predecessors did and subconsciously, I don’t think people work as hard because of it. (Sorry, that was the therapist in me talking, lol.) The other reason is the perceived contradictions (the fantasy vs. reality) in this lifestyle. There are the slaves and subs who think that they are to be used and abused and tossed away and that they have no rights and no say so. Of course there are Dominants who feel and think the same and treat them that way. Finally, there is some misconception that this is not a REAL Relationship and the guidelines are not the same. They indeed are and you have to work at a BDSM relationship the same way as a vanilla one. The similarities are not that different and if you take out the kinkiness (GOD Forbid, lol) all of the rest of the parameters are pretty much the same. I teach a class about this same thing. We live in the real world but many are so immersed in the fantasy, that they ignore or forget the rest. They think that the ‘kink alone’ will sustain the relationship and just like one that may be founded on ‘just sex’ or any other type of external criteria with no substance, it soon crumbles and falls. We think sometimes that we have this ‘magic potion’ because we are into BDSM and we don’t work on the things that maintain and SUSTAIN a relationship. Anyway, thats my story and I’m sticking to it………always, Lady D


One thought on “Relationships

  1. Thank you LadyD for sharing your insight and values with me. I really appreciate reading about your general thoughts, inputs your perspective on a whole in regards to life, the kink world vs the vanilla life. Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *