I have been in this lifestyle for several years. I am far from a “senior” title, but I am also a good ways away from being a “newbie”. I am at the adolescence stage in life, not just in the community. It’s a mix between having much to teach, and even more to learn. It’s not without its pros and cons to say the least. During my time I have seen many things that I once heard rumors about, some were flukes, and some were spot on. I have also been in long enough to witness the start of what I call the “Grey Era” (see other writing). It seems as if stages of growth and fall were put into fast forward during this time. Many have come in to the life style, some left as fast as they come in, some stay a little longer, and a few realize it’s their true calling. Each has their reasons for doing one or the other. With the speed of how fast things move due to this Era, I have noticed several trends. Now mind you this is purely my observations and personal view points, nothing more.
Quick in-Quick out: Typically due to someone one hearing about this “life style” of servitude, and thought “I can play that game, sounds like fun”. I mean honestly who wouldn’t love the idea of servants at your feet making your bed, fixing your meals, cleaning your house, all your wishes sexually. Or on the other side of the slash, who wouldn’t want to be pampered, spoiled, protected, cherished on a Pedi stool, and sexual freedom. Seems they learn the effort involved, or learn the hard way what it truly means to “Submit” to some one. Either by taking the responsibility of another, or figuring out the expectations of giving that submission.
Honestly people, use your dictionary. It’s right there. This isn’t a slang use of the word. It’s exactly what it says “To submit to a higher power or authority”. Please, Please, Please do your basic research.
One that stay just a little while: These are the ones that stuck around long enough to learn through experience what it’s about, or at least a glimpse of it. Usually the ones who make it past the first 6 months or so. Providing that haven’t had a bad encounter, or not one bad enough to have them running for the hills. (We all know someone who has this story to tell, as well as our own). They are still learning, and trying, but now life is getting in the way. The newness has worn off. No pure excitement of going to an event for something you have never experienced every time you go out. Now you are seeing the normal life, school, work, kids, relationships, etc… Slowly you fall back into vanilla. The life style isn’t easy, and requires lots of work, especially in the beginning. You question yourself, “Is it worth it all? Can’t I just go every once in a while? Do we really have to play this ALL THE TIME? Can’t we just hang out with my/our normal friends?” For those submissves it’s the hardest, if it’s a natural mindset, they will find other places to give their submission, and jobs are the most common. You’ll find that promotion, better job, better position, or that new project starts to take over your time. You go to less events, research less, spend more time working, more devotion, more focus on your new found goal. Like I said before, pros and cons. These are the ones I hate to see leave, so much potential, but this change happens so gradually they don’t realize it till it’s already happened.
Those that stay: These people are the ones that finally filled the gap in their lives they always knew was there, but didn’t understand. They found themselves at home with kink. Incorporated it into their lives fully. Understood the effort required. Pushed past the “bad encounters”, learned from them. Helped others in the community grow. Ventured out to the events, munches, parties, classes, etc.. Went beyond adding this into their lives, but actually made it their lives. Still find the excitement of going to events to do something they have done 100s of times before. Still feel the charge from likeminded people. Careless what the vanilla world thinks, because we know they don’t understand. Learned the true meaning of Submission.
I have lost many friends through these stages, and gained family from them as well. I hate to see each one go, and I try not to be the one rescuing every “lost puppy” I run across just because I see the potential in them. Oh how I would love to, but I have to think about my House first. I have also been burned many times with those that I put the effort into, only to have less than half returned. Doesn’t mean I have ever stopped, nor will I. Those with experience and knowledge must pass it on to those who seek it. Doesn’t mean it has to be given freely, some effort it required. But guidance is a must, or we as a community will fail to grow or survive. Education is a must in life, this is no different.